Dear Sickle Cell,

It’s you and it’s me. As a little girl, a stranger in a new place, you grabbed on to me and held on tight while I screamed, hoping for another breath.

You were a part of me even before I knew who I was. While I was figuring myself, you stood there and made it hard to come out for air.

We’ve been on this journey together, one that has felt so long. I have known you as pain, I have seen you as my weakness. You caused my tears and called me names.

I looked at you, all I saw was a face I didn’t know, one I didn’t want to know. I saw you and saw a race, a race that I had to finish and finish in first place.

 I ran as fast as I could, hoping that if I just went a bit faster, I’ll lose you and we’ll part ways, never to touch again. Oh! was I shocked and hurt to know that I couldn’t out-run you, and running only wearied me out.

So, I couldn’t outrun you, what could I do?  Maybe I could hide, I thought to myself and if I hid well enough, you might not find me. Just like running, you always did find me.

Dear sickle cell,

I hated you, everything about you, I hated.

You brought me weakness, pain, looks and side talks. They called me names because of you, names that I still remember and sounds of their voices that hasn’t faded. You made me hide, you made me timid, you made me a shadow of who I wanted to be.

I was afraid to live, afraid to live, I was afraid to live. Living meant pain, all you brought to me was pain.

I never knew when you’ll show up, sometimes, even when I kept a clean house, I still heard your knock on the door.

Dear sickle cell 

For a long time, weakness was all I saw when I looked at you, for a long time, all I wanted to do was lose you. What good could you bring? What happiness could you possibly hold?

For a long time, I cried in silence, just so my tears won’t be felt and my sniffs unheard.

I cried for a change, for a time to wake up and the pain was all over. I cried for you to be gone, never to be seen again.

Dear sickle cell 

The change that I thought I wanted wasn’t what I needed.

The change I needed was to see you. To see that weakness doesn’t live here, to see that strength is all that’s present. To see the beauty in wearing my scars, to see the purpose and reason. To take a breath and stand right there in the sun.

Dear sickle cell

It’s been a long journey; it wasn’t always pretty. I felt like I was constantly drowning, and now finally up for air, wearing my scars, and seeing the beauty beneath all the pain.