I had really started getting into this book that a friend recommended and just at the peak of the story, my phone vibrates. I ignore at first but then it’s followed by multiple vibrations and a call, so I knew it had to be important.
It was an old friend. One that I hadn’t really spoken to in a minute. He had heard about LCOM from a mutual friend and decided to hit me up.
We got talking and he explained to me how he needed my help with a younger friend of his who was going through a hard time. He thought I would be of great help.
 
I was hesitant at first as I didn’t want to take
on more responsibilities than I already had and the timing felt a bit off. I was going through a phase and really didn’t see the use I could be to someone else at the time.
In my doubt, his statement echoed through my mind- “Isn’t this the essence of LCOM?”
Somehow, it felt like something I needed to say yes to. Maybe in helping someone else, I could even find the help that I sought.
 
So I said yes to speaking to his friend, whose name I had now known to be Steve.
As I began speaking to Steve, I realized that some of his stories were quite familiar., and even though it wasnt about me, it felt like someone had just caught some part of my experiences on tape and I was listening to the audio.
Although I didn’t go through most of what he
did, relating to him came easily.
Steve was just 19 years old. Though he was so young, he had gone through so much. He had experienced verbal and physical abuse, he had experienced discrimination brought upon by living with a chronic illness (Sickle cell
anemia). All of these had led to him feeling quite worthless and unloved.
 
He narrated how he was called so many names in school because he was always absent, even the people he had considered to be friends were at the top of the name calling list. Although he had so many absent days, he would still do quite well in school and so rumors started going around that he was cheating and being favored. He told me of how his Dad made him feel as though most of what he was experiencing was his fault and he started believing that it was.
 
He began to feel like if he didn’t have Sickle cell, maybe his life would have been better.
As he continued getting into it, he stopped and I could feel his pain even more from his silence. I knew that at this stage, I shouldn’t push until he was ready.
He had so many things to share, burdens to off load. He was finally coming out for air. As our conversations progressed over the course of time, I had thought of getting him a professional help as I wasn’t always there and I knew he needed it.
 
I didn’t see my thoughts through yet because he had only started getting comfortable and we were making a bit of progress. I wondered if such a change could hinder his current progress.
On this particular day, I was busier than usual with barely time for my phone and messages.
It so happened that the same day was a particularly hard one for Steve.
I had received multiple messages and several missed calls from an unknown number.
I quickly opened his messages as it became quite a habit over the past couple weeks. He sent a couple messages about how his day was going dark and narrated a couple of encounters he had in the day that made him feel quite sad. He really needed me to call him as soon as I could.
I tried his number a couple or times but no answer. After several tries, a message came in “Hi, this is Mike, Steve’s friend. He’s in the hospital in a very bad state, he overdosed on some medications, I met him unconscious and rushed him to the hospital.”
As I read the words from my pop up notifications, my phone fell to the ground and it instantly felt like it was -23 degrees. I thought back to our conversations, I tried to find signs that I could have missed and why I wasn’t able to tell that he was suicidal. He didn’t mention any attempts or thoughts. All I didn’t mention any attempts or thoughts. All I saw was someone who needed to be seen, someone who needed to talk.
So what happened? Would it have been so different with someone else? Should I have
proceeded to getting him a professional help? So many unanswered questions. It isn’t not just about Sickle cell disease, it’s about every other chronic disease, every visible and invisible struggles that people go through. The things that pulls them down each day as they struggle to get through.
Sometimes, when we look at people we see the things that they want us to see. A lot of us struggle each day with the biggest smile on just to get through the day.
You might not be able to see a person’s pain, you might not be able to help, but you can choose to not make it worse.
 
Be kind!